The Poundland naughty elf is due to appear in its first pornographic movie The W1nners’ Club can reveal.
The star of the discount retailer’s recent “Elf Behaving Badly” campaign has been deemed irresponsible and likely to cause widespread offence by the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) so as a result a whole host of porn film producers have been clambering over each other to sign up the perverted pixie as soon as possible.
Poundland’s Head of Adult Entertainment Mrs. Annie Lingus said, “We can confirm that the Naughty Elf has been signed up on a four movie deal to appear in a selection of porn films. It’s unclear at the moment what rating the movies will have as watching a plastic figure simulating a sex act whilst fully dressed in an elf costume is just a bit of harmless fun for most people, but the prudes that work at the Advertising Standards Authority have decided that this is one of the filthiest things they have ever seen since the last time each of them purchased a copy of Madonna’s bondage book to examine in greater detail in their own time for purely professional research reasons of course.”
Naughty Elf caused a storm in the run-up to Christmas when tea company Twinings accused it of “misusing” its product after Poundland tweeted a picture of an elf dangling a Twinings teabag over a female doll, but Poundland has confirmed that the teabag in question was over the legal age of consent at the time the alleged sex act took place.
Poundland has also issued a statement saying that a “large number” of people found the Naughty Elf campaign to be completely in line with what it means to be British, leaving most British people to wonder why it’s only their partner that won’t dress up in an elf costume and play strip poker with them on a regular basis.
“Naughty Elf will be starring in the following porn film titles namely: ‘We wish you a merry fistmas,’ ‘Holly and Ivy,’ ‘O come ye unfaithful,’ and a prequel to the other three called ‘Good King wanks less,’” Mrs. Lingus added.