The pound has lost so much value since last year’s Brexit vote that it is now rumoured to be lower than Lance Armstrong’s Tour de France race strategy.
British holidaymakers faced one of the worst exchange rates on record this weekend, with the pound falling so fast that simply saying the word ‘pound’ reduces its value even further.
Travelex’s Head of Foreign Currency Exchange Mr. Franc Marks said, “It is indeed true that the pound has fallen lower than Lance Armstrong’s Tour de France race strategy – which is pretty f*cking low! Travelex foreign exchange booths at Heathrow, Manchester and Glasgow airports are now offering preferential rates if you use the letters P-O-U-N and D individually rather than together when purchasing foreign currency. I’m not exactly sure why, but the mere mention of the UK’s currency has an adverse effect on the global foreign exchange markets at the moment.”
The Chancellor of the Exchequer has called an emergency meeting of key Treasury Department officials to try to look into ways that the pound’s slide can be halted and it was suggested by economic experts that referring to the pound in a non-monetary context eg. ‘I pounded the streets,’ or ‘a pound of flesh,’ may help to prevent further loss of value.
Scientists have complained that terminal velocity, the speed a free-falling object eventually reaches when the resistance of the medium through which it is falling prevents further acceleration, may have to be amended due to the unprecedented rate of descent the pound has endured since last year’s Brexit vote.
“Arjen Robben when he’s anywhere near the penalty box, Bill Wyman’s underpants – the pound is falling at a considerably faster rate than both of the aforementioned. If the UK’s currency continues to tumble, Lance Armstrong may decide to use it to exonerate himself by saying something along the lines of ‘you think my actions were low? I’ll show you low,’ and holding up a month-on-month spreadsheet analysis of the pound’s value against other G10 currencies,” Mr. Marks added.