The Bank of America predicts the post-Brexit Pound will stop cowering in the corner like a timid kitten to undergo a miraculous transformation like Cringer from He-Man.
Despite being the foreign exchange equivalent of a mangy moggy that has been abandoned by its owners and left to fend for itself in an alleyway, analysts predict the UK currency will look more like Battle Cat when Theresa May holds aloft a sword and yells, “by the power of Brexit – I have the power!” (subject to parliamentary approval of course).
The Bank of America’s Chief Currency analyst Mr. Mo Money said, “Don’t fuck with the pound going forward. Sterling will be a bit like the guy that got his head flushed down the loo at school who seeks out his tormentors and corners them one by one in public conveniences before saying something poignant like, ‘personally, I like to wash my hands before I use the toilet,’ at the precise moment he pulls the chain whilst forcing his victim’s head into the bowl.”
Despite getting battered and beaten by Brexit scaremongering, the general consensus among city analysts is that the pound will stage a comeback in the near future to rival that of Lazarus – a bit like the time Shaun Ryder left the Happy Mondays amid tales of acrimony and drug abuse, only to reappear a short time later to have a number one album with Black Grape.
“Robert Downey Jr, Japan after the second world war, Jesus Christ for Christ’s sake – there have been many great comebacks in history and the pound looks like it’s going to have its own, ‘Manchester City on the last day of the 2011/2012 season,’ as soon as the UK Prime Minister fires the article 50 starting gun – which incidentally is currently pointing at the EU membership status of Italy, Holland and France,” Mr. Money added.