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Brexit Rationing - The W1nners' Club

Brexit – we’d rather be starving than German


Britain’s post-Brexit diet will bear a striking resemblance to wartime rations unless the people that voted, ‘Leave,’ are forced to become agricultural labourers a leading farmer has claimed.


Mr. Harry Cobean grows over 100,000 carrots and potatoes on his farm near Huddersfield in West Yorkshire and says there aren’t enough British workers who don’t watch Jeremy Kyle and play Call of Duty Black Ops III all day whilst smoking weed available to pick and pack his produce.

The Government has expressed a commitment to reducing immigration significantly after Brexit but Mr. Cobean stated that, “It’s going to be a total fucking disaster. It’s all fine and dandy munching on a bacon sarnie when you’ve got a hangover complaining about sovereignty, but if there’s no one to feed and look after the pigs mate – then you’re having spam my old pal.”

Mr. Cobean claims that without migrant labourers, the Post-Brexit diet will resemble the food that was on offer as a result of rationing during World War Two.

“Sugar, tea, meat, cheese, butter, margarine, lard, sweets? Forget it. It’ll be vegetable turnovers, belted leeks, glory buns and potato rarebit from now on. What would you rather have for dinner, Beef Bourginon or Corned Beef with Cabbage? The only way I see us getting around the situation is if the people that voted, ‘Leave,’ in the referendum are forced to work on muddy farms all day picking pumpkins in all weathers instead of moaning about foreigners by the water cooler in some nice plush office somewhere.”

When it was put to Mr. Cobean that such a policy would be a contravention of people’s human rights he said, “you mean the very people who want the human rights act abolished? Ho-hum.”

A government spokesperson denied plans were being put in place to reintroduce rationing as a result of Britain’s inability to harvest fresh produce anymore, but did say Mr Cobean’s comments were, “A fucking good idea! It makes sense that the people that got us into this mess get us out of it. The last time the country had no food we were getting bombed by the Germans – now we just don’t like people that aren’t called, ‘Smith!’”

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