Money Tree - The W1nners' Club

Money Tree – Got any change for a sapling?

 

Money is starting to grow on trees after the first batch of old £5 notes has been shredded and turned into compost for use in horticulture.

 

The Bank of England said 150 million of its paper £5 notes remain with the public, but since it started using the old fivers as an ingredient in compost, plants everywhere have started to sprout cash on their branches instead of leaves.

The Bank of England’s Head of Compost Production Mrs. Dee Compose said, “After we produced our first batch of compost from the old fivers, we noticed that the seeds we’d planted in the top soil started to grow almost immediately. After a couple of days the shoots were soon sprouting 20p pieces and within a week there were £1 coins dangling from the baby tree’s branches. We currently have an entire nursery full of money trees but some of the older plants have already started growing Euros which means they should be about to wilt and die at any moment.”

Members of the public can take or post any old notes, at any time in the future, to the Bank of England in Threadneedle Street in the City of London, although the bank urges people not to send in any homemade compost that’s been urinated on whilst festering in the back garden for a month.

There are fears that criminals may try to grow fake money trees using compost derived from counterfeit fivers, but the government says the notes that grow on such trees are easily recognisable and look very similar to the cash you get in a Monopoly set.

“Money growing on trees is exactly what the UK economy requires as we enter the uncertainty of Brexit. All we ask is that if you are going to try to make your own compost from old fivers, please wear a face mask as the vast majority of notes contain traces of cocaine on them,” Mrs. Compose added.

 

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