Prime Minister Theresa May has asked Noel Edmunds to prove that, “no deal is better than a bad deal,” by explaining the rules of his hit TV show to a parliamentary committee.
Upon being asked whether the government had a costing for failing to win a deal with the EU on Brexit, Finance Minister Philip Hammond said ministers were looking at a range of outcomes, but something tells him that red number 16 might contain having to rely on World Trade Organisation (WTO) tariffs which could cost UK businesses £6bn a year.
Mr. Edmunds told the Parliamentary committee made up of lawmakers from the various parties that, “The game is played using twenty-two sealed red boxes, each with an identifying number from 1 to 22 displayed on the front. Inside each box is a sum of money, or in the case of Brexit – really good terms for our departure from the EU or conversely they could be really shitty ones. It is in the Prime Minister’s interest to uncover all the boxes containing all the crap terms like the £50bn exit fee in the hope that the UK ends up with one of the decent prizes like continued access to the single market.”
The Prime Minister has remained coy about which number box she intends to choose first when talks begin so as not to give her hand away to the banker whose true identity is rumoured to be EU Commission President Mr. Jean-Claude Juncker.
Government officials, lawmakers and analysts say privately that Mrs. May will choose the odd numbered boxes first, while also hoping that the banker will make a non-monetary offer first such as continued rights of residency for British nationals based in EU countries or continued cooperation on all matters security related.
“It’s impossible to know if no deal is better than a bad deal because it depends what’s in the remaining boxes. All I will say is that if you come away after playing the game with absolutely bugger all then you probably need to have a better understanding of the true value of what each box contains. David Cameron refused to play because he said whichever box he chose wouldn’t be a credible choice given the fact that he thought we were going to be playing Russian Roulette – bless him,” Mr. Edmunds added.