Nissan has called on the UK government to provide investment to replace overseas components after the country leaves the EU, or the new Qashqai model may have to be built using technology from The Flintstones.
Senior executives at Nissan have warned the government that whilst they will agree to continue manufacturing at their Sunderland plant after Brexit, the parts will unfortunately have to be imported from overseas and as a result, it’ll be a bit like trying to build a broom with no head or handle.
Nissan’s Head of Manufacturing Supply Chain Mr. Justin Time said, “We’re all for honouring our deal with Theresa May regarding the continual production of our cars in the UK, but half the parts come from Europe so we may have to amend some of our designs a little bit. Our research teams have been eagerly watching reruns of The Flintstones to see if we can get a steer on how to build cars with no access to any modern car parts whatsoever.”
There are over 5000 components in the average car and these will have to be replaced with alternative materials if the ensuing trade negotiations result in the treaty summit equivalent of a post-football match hooligan fracas, but engineers at Nissan are confident there are enough animal skins, stone and wood sources available in the UK to put together a decent enough take on the latest Juke model.
The primary concern for Nissan if they are to proceed with plans to construct a Brexit-proof car factory, is how to get hold of the technology used in The Flintstones – the majority of which relies on dinosaurs and other long extinct animals like Woolly Mammoths and Sabre-toothed tigers to power machinery.
“The technology used in The Flintstones operated at an incredibly high level of efficiency given the prehistoric nature of their methods and we plan to adopt some of these to build our new car models. Our biggest challenge will be to convince Jeremy Clarkson that, “electric” windows powered by monkeys on the outside, birds acting as car horns that are sounded by the driver pulling on their tails or squeezing their bodies and people having to power the car by running is a viable alternative to what we have at the moment,” Mr. Time added.