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new fiver - The W1nners' club

The new Fiver – it may help you lose a few pounds

 

Vegan street food restaurant chain Tofu World recently announced it has won the contract to manufacture Britain’s new fiver.

 

The use of animal fat in the current £5 note has forced the Bank of England to seek an alternative supplier after a petition was raised expressing anger at the use of animal products in the current issue note.

Tofu World’s Chief Financial Officer, Mr. Tiny Tempeh said, “Tofu World as a company is certainly in this business to make money, but we never in our wildest dreams thought our overriding business objectives would be quite so literally manifested by our product range. Every Vegan will now have the confidence to know they are not compromising their beliefs every time they get peckish and decide to nibble on the corner of a £5 note.”

The petition contains over 100,000 signatures and is hosted on the change.org website. It calls on the Bank of England to “cease to use animal products in the production of currency that we have to use, as the current notes have been causing widespread indigestion and flatulence.”

Tofu World is working extensively with its supply chain to ensure the new £5 notes are made readily available at the earliest opportunity alongside collaborating with celebrity Vegan Chef Chloe Coscarelli on a new £5 note recipe cook book.

The W1nners’ Club has gained exclusive access to the forthcoming publication, “Fifty ways to cook with a fiver,” and can reveal the following delicious meals contained inside:

  • Watermark soup
  • Queen Elizabeth Cake
  • Coronation Chicken (for vegetarians – of course)
  • Sterling Punch
  • Churchill Slice

 

“The new £5 note will ensure going to the cash point is no longer a depressing experience simply because of people’s dietary requirements. Vegetarians will now go hungry because they’re skint, not because they have a suitcase full of £5 notes that contain traces of tallow,” The Bank of England said in an official statement.

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