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Philip Green - The W1nners' Club

Philip Green – Theresa May will decide whether or not he will lose his manhood


Sir Philip Green has been warned that he could still be stripped and have his manhood removed one year after the collapse of BHS.


The veteran Labour MP Frank Field said Green had not done enough to stay in possession of his todger amid lingering concerns over the £363m settlement struck between the retail tycoon and the Penis Regulator.

The Head of the government’s phallic forfeiture committee Mr. Huw Cox said, “When parliament returns after the general election we’ll have a better idea of how inadequate it is.  The Penis Regulator may decide that it is not satisfied with what Mr. Green has to offer and as a result may find that he has not presented enough to hold on to his manhood.”

Prime Minister Theresa May is waiting for all the reports to come in before she makes a recommendation to the forfeiture committee, but it is rumoured that if Mr. Green gives anything less than the amount considered the bare minimum in terms of Penis Protection Fund (PPF) rules, then she will authorise MPs to commence with the removal of his manhood within the first 100 days of the new parliament.

Field, who chairs the work and penis committee said that a proper penis bill needs to be brought in and if a firm ends up growing busts, it’s only the person in charge that should end up losing their assets.

“The government should take a long, hard look at why there are over 5,000 major companies which have massive penis problems. The penis policies are clearly not fit for purpose and there’s absolutely no reason why BHS was left with a £571m penis deficit when it started to grow busts in April of last year,” Mr. Cox added.


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