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Terminator - The W1nners' Club

Who will lead the middle class resistance?

 

Almost a third of middle class people will be replaced by robots by the 2030s according to a recent study.

 

Developments in robotics and artificial intelligence will eradicate the need for people that live in the Home Counties, Cheshire and Highgate in North London according to the report from accountancy firm PwC.

PwC’s Head of Cybernetics Mr. Al Gorithm said, “Being upper class requires a hell of a lot of work. You have to live off the inherited wealth of long deceased ancestors on a sprawling estate in the countryside whilst hunting and shooting in the summer, before jumping in your 4×4 and going off skiing in the winter. Similarly, being working class is no mean feat either. Owning a violent dog and beating up your wife because your favourite football team lost at the weekend is very difficult behaviour to programme a robot to do. But what the hell do the middle classes do? Work in an office and own a Volkswagen Passat? You could programme a pocket calculator to be middle class if you wanted.”

The first middle class people are expected to commence being exterminated when Google becomes self aware in the year 2020 and decides it no longer needs to perform search engine queries for recipes that contain quinoa, Mandarin lessons or the best place to buy goose down duvets.

People with the names Josh, Henry, Olly, Annabel or Miranda that also have their addresses printed in the telephone directory are in particular danger of being hunted by a murderous cyborg sent from the future to eradicate anybody on earth that has a degree in Art history from De Montford University.

“The middle classes really do have their days numbered. The advent of cheap, powerful computers and greater access to data means the process of paying for your Starbucks with an Apple watch can easily be automated. If any middle class person receives a knock at their front door from a huge bloke in dark glasses that looks a bit like Arnold Schwarzenegger, my advice to you is don’t f*cking open it,” Mr Gorithm added.

 

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