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doll's house - The W1nners' club

Microflats – ideal for first time mortgage ‘Borrowers’


Property experts have slammed the latest designs for proposed urban microflats saying that they look a lot like children’s doll’s houses.


A push for “compact living” space in London could save the UK capital from being hollowed out by foreign investors who snap up properties and then leave them empty, but experts have said that no one in their right mind would want to live somewhere that looks like it was purchased from Toys R Us in the January sale.

London estate agent Mr. Lee S. Holder said, “the national minimum guideline for living space is about 37 square metres, but these new microflats cover an area that is considerably smaller than that. Some of them are so small they look like they could easily fit into the corner of a small child’s playroom. I’m not sure anyone in their right mind would be able to live in one – which might solve the problem of foreign investors snapping up all the vacant properties in London, but the properties will still remain vacant because no one can fit inside the bloody things.”

The tiny apartments are supposed to be able to house 3,555 more working age adults than typical accommodation on similar sites, but many estate agents have said that the working age adults in question would need to be the size of a Lego character just to be able to get through the front door.

Foreign investors snapped up 13.2% of all London property that was sold between 2014 and 2016, but this number is expected to drop significantly when Russian Oligarchs, Arab Sheikhs and deposed former African dictators are shown around the new properties which each come with a free Peppa Pig toy picninc set and Incy Wincy Spider finger puppet book.

“Tiny but centrally-located properties are a great idea, but some of these microflats look like they’re straight out of the latest Playmobil catalogue. I did a viewing the other day and ended up having to answer some very awkward questions about why the property in question had a sticker that said ‘1 ½ years +’ on the front door – I told them it was the minimum available length of tenancy agreement but after seeing the pink, detachable roof and plastic toadstool in the garden, I’m not really sure anymore,” Mr. Holder added.


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