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Bondage Barbie and Ken doll - The W1nners Club

Mattel – Ken is now more relevant to modern tastes


Mattel has given its Ken doll a modern day makeover to make him more relevant to kids today.


Amid growing concern that the 56 year old boyfriend of Barbie really shouldn’t be spending so much time with young children, the toy manufacturer has decided to give him a makeover so that he doesn’t resemble somebody’s weird uncle that works as a children’s entertainer.

Mattel’s Head of Product Development Mr. Peter Testing said, “It occurred to us that people find it a bit weird that a 56 year old unmarried bloke hangs around with kids all the time, so we decided to make Ken a bit younger so that social services don’t put him on their paedophile watch list. As a result we developed a hipster Ken that comes with its own microbrewery and only listens to music on vinyl, a sexually ambiguous gender fluid Ken, and a Grime MC Ken that regularly goes to lunch with Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn.”

The recent changes have created the most diverse Ken collection to date and Mattel sees this as a natural progression, coming the year after the Barbie diversity push. The company was also forced to ask serious questions about whether the older Ken doll would be a realistic enough partner for some of the more ethnic looking Barbie dolls of today, as everyone knows that inter-racial dating was somewhat frowned upon back in the 1960s.

Some toy industry experts have criticised the latest Ken doll collection for not going far enough in representing the different social groups, with one source stating that the absence of a public school educated, originally from Oxford but living in Brixton Ken, and a Frosty Jack cider drinking heroin addict Ken demonstrates a lack of awareness for the true make up of modern society.

“What’s happening needed to be done. We really needed to do this. You can’t have 56 year old blokes hanging round in children’s bedrooms without somebody there to supervise. I wouldn’t be surprised if the old Ken ends up as a suspect in the Operation Yew tree investigation to be honest with you,” Mr. Testing added.


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