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Barbie – now available on Android


Toy manufacturer Mattel has seen its share price soar after announcing plans to produce Barbie dolls that are relevant to every conceivable social group.


The launch of the new range follows two years of declining sales as little girls turn to dressing up as clowns and chasing terrified members of the public instead.

January saw the launch of Barbie dolls in a variety of skin tones, hairstyles and outfits as well as three new body shapes – tall, curvy and petite – to appeal to a wider audience and the strategy has proved so successful that the firm plans on going a step further.

Mattel’s Head of Product Development, Mrs. Polly Propylene said, “we’re trying to ensure everybody sees Barbie as more than just a pretty face, so the new range will make her more relevant to the real world. We’re bringing out a Hipster Barbie that comes with a beard and its own microbrewery, there’s going to be a crack whore Barbie that will perform a sex act in return for spare change and we’re also bringing out a Post-nuclear apocalypse Barbie (pictured) in case Donald Trump wins the US election.”

It was suggested to Mrs Propylene that the company might be spreading itself too thinly by trying to represent so many sectors of society and she said, “we see it as paramount that Barbie is a reflection of the community she represents. You can either bring out different dolls that reflect different audiences, or you produce one doll that’s relevant to everybody. We road-tested a black, gay, jewish, disabled, muslim, blind Barbie that supports Leeds United but for some reason it didn’t really catch on.”

The new range will be available in stores before Christmas – apart from Trustafarian Barbie which will spend the festive season skiing and drinking toffee vodka in Val d’Isère.

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