Marks and Spencer has finally admitted that its cauliflower steak has not been tested for mad cow disease The W1nners’ Club can reveal.
The veggie steak which consists of two slices of cauliflower and a lemon and herb drizzle, was being sold for £2 and is apparently to steak what David Beckham is to not dating Spice Girls – but EU rules state that if you’re going to call something a steak then it needs to be treated as such.
Marks and Spencer’s Head of Increasing the Price of Vegetables by Selling Them As Meat, Mr. Angus Beef said, “Strictly speaking it’s impossible for cauliflower to contract mad cow disease, but if we admit to this fact publicly – people might cotton on to the fact that our cauliflower steak isn’t actually steak. Most high street butchers currently sell Ribeye, Tenderloin and Fillet steaks, but as far as I know, Marks and Spencer is the only food retailer that has the audacity to try and palm a bog standard cauliflower off as a premium cut of sirloin.”
Customers have argued that a whole cauliflower could be bought for £1 in shops and have also raised concerns about the excess packaging, but apart from that, most have stated that it’s much easier to fit one in your boot after a trip to the supermarket rather than trying to take home an entire cow.
The new M&S veggie range is aimed at customers wanting a “quick and convenient vegetarian meal option”, leaving some commentators to argue that calling something a ‘steak’ that isn’t a steak when trying to market to vegetarians is a bit like trying to sell life jackets on the Titanic by referring to them as lead weights.
“The problem we now have of course is how to market the meat we sell in our stores. We’ve already tried to pitch our lamb shanks to customers as parsnips, but obviously this makes our vegetarian farmhouse soup appear less than above board now that it tastes more like oxtail,” Mr. Beef added.