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Vampire - The W1nners' Club

Louis Vuitton – Putting the ‘vamp’ into the word ‘Vampire’


Louis Vuitton has significantly improved the dress sense of vampires after it was discovered that a significant number of the company’s products are made in Transylvania.


The factories are a well-kept secret and their identity is closely guarded, but many of the shoes and boots the luxury fashion brand sells for between £500 and £1,800 a pair and labels as being “made in Italy” are mostly made in the central Romanian region.

Louis Vuitton’s Head of Vampire Fashion Mr. Vlad D. Impaler said, “I guess we’ve finally been rumbled haven’t we? Up until a few years ago everybody was walking around in Gothabilly dresses and 18th Century clothing – now your average Transylvanian vampire has a Speedy Bandoulierre 30 City Bag and wears a pair of Louis Vuitton Attitude Pilote sunglasses. To say we’ve raised the bar in terms of how vampires dress these days is an understatement – although we may struggle to fool everyone into thinking that our products are still made in Italy.”

There is no mention of the Louis Vuitton brand on the outside walls of its production facility, but those who dare to tread the windy path up the mountain road to the factory gate, braving bats and the sound of howling wolves in the distance, will notice that the huge black door knocker looks remarkably similar to the locks that are found on the company’s signature trunks.

An anonymous factory worker with a humpback and one eye in the centre of his forehead, told The W1nners’ Club that entire shoes are made in Romania before being sent to Italy, where the souls are added – although the worker in question quickly corrected himself by saying that he meant to say, ‘where the soles are added,’ before apologising profusely.

“Louis Vuitton’s Transylvania production facilities give workers weekends off and pay for overtime if they work between the hours of sunrise and sunset – although garlic and holy water is banned in the staff canteen for obvious reasons. Sucking up to the boss is also frowned upon as it takes on a completely different meaning in these parts,” Mr. Impaler added.


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