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kid eating breakfast - The W1nners' Club

Breakfast – now the most important meal of the day for political reasons…..


Kids have been demanding broccoli for breakfast in their droves after Kellogg’s announced it will cut the amount of sugar in its top selling children’s cereals next year.


The little mites have expressed dismay at the fact that their generation is the first in human history that will have to endure breakfast times without so much as a drizzle of maple syrup on their pancakes.

Professional Child, Earl E. Learning (6) said, “First Brexit and now this. You’d think the older generations had done enough damage by voting to ruin our future career prospects by leaving the EU but now they want to destroy our f*cking cereals as well. Whilst myself and other youngsters are not going to go on hunger strike or anything as things could get really nasty if half the nation’s under-8s go without Alphabet Spaghetti or Turkey Twizzlers for more than a couple of meals, but we will refuse to eat anything at meal times except broccoli until adults take heed of our plight.”

Political analysts have said that young people may have chosen to eat broccoli as their protest food of choice because it is the only food item that, whilst being incredibly nutritious, literally tastes of nothing and will therefore force adults into adding tasty sauces to make the food more desirable to the young palate.

Children have argued that whereas previous generations may have been given a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down, the medicine available to the infant incumbents of today will have practically no hope of making them hyperactive thanks to the likes of Jamie Oliver and campaigners of his ilk who themselves enjoyed a whole range of e numbers in their youth.

Learning issued the following statement on behalf of everyone that still believes in Santa Claus that says: “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” before refusing to put his coat on or let his mum wipe the mucus from his nose in an act of defiance that marks a return to the armed struggle.


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