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KFC - The W1nners' Club

KFC – One of the secret ingredients is rumoured to be penicillin


KFC is now the world’s number one treatment against dangerous bacterial infections according to a recent World Health Organisation report.


Chickens reared specially for consumption at KFC restaurants get pumped so full of antibiotics over their short lives that the average two piece variety meal can now cure most known diseases if ordered with an extra side of coleslaw.

KFC’s Head of Immunisation Dr. Ian Oculate said, “Antibiotics have been used on non-organic livestock for years in order help them survive and make them grow faster in unsanitary, crowded and stressful conditions. As you can’t get more unsanitary, crowded and stressful conditions than those you’d find in a KFC restaurant on a Friday night after last orders at the pub, the same antibiotics that were pumped into the chickens are also useful for preventing illnesses in humans.”

Scientists have speculated that the worldwide eradication of polio occurred at roughly the same time that Colonel Sanders opened his first KFC restaurant in North Corbin, Kentucky back in 1930 and since then both tuberculosis and typhoid have almost become a thing of the past due to the invention of the Zinger Tower Burger.

Medical practitioners remain divided as to whether a thigh or drumstick should be ingested by patients that are showing the symptoms of bacterial infection, but clinical trials have shown that a single hot wing may be an adequate treatment for most illnesses if the patient is treated early enough.

“Over-exposure to antibiotics in meat means people have become resistant to the antibiotics they’re prescribed by the doctor when they become ill and as a result, most GP surgeries will have an emergency 10 piece popcorn variety bucket on hand to deal with medical emergencies. The problem with this of course is that it’s very unwise to go for a KFC when you’ve been out on the piss as the alcohol may cause adverse reactions and will make your treatment less effective. I suggest you go for a kebab instead,” Dr. Oculate added.


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