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Doner Kebab - The W1nners' Club

UberEats – kebabs have given a chilli response to TFL’s decision…


Doner Kebabs all over London were left ‘devastated’ after being told that food delivery service UberEats will cease to continue.


Transport for London told the ride hailing app firm that it ‘will not be issued with a private hire operator licence’ because they found it was ‘not fit and proper,’ a move which has left various late night takeaway dishes concerned at how they will be able to get delivered to customers with the munchies going forward.

Kebab Town take-away’s signature dish, Mr. ‘Large Doner Kebab with Everything On It’ said, “How the f*ck am I supposed to get delivered to stoned customers with a craving for Doner Kebabs if they can’t order me on UberEats anymore? For starters, everybody knows the black cabs don’t like going south of the river after a certain time of night and even though people say we live in a free society these days, some of the black cab drivers won’t stop for a Doner Kebab unless it’s being held by a human. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do.”

One take away dish, who refused to confirm whether it’s a Shish, Doner or Kofte kebab for fear of reprisals from hungry customers, said that he didn’t see the decision coming despite growing speculation that the app could be banned from London.

UberEats enables users to order meals using a smartphone and is available in dozens of cities around the world, but there are fears that TFL’s decision may make it difficult for people with mobility issues as a result of smoking too much weed and playing Pro Evo Soccer into the early hours such as students, to receive the right level of nutrition given the challenging nature of their lifestyles.

“Nearly 400 kebabs a week get delivered to the local university halls of residents from Kebab Town using UberEats. Even though it’s only a few feet away, it’ll cost a good 80 quid to get there in a black cab and I’ll probably have to listen to the driver bang on about whether Arsene Wenger will be signing a new contract at Arsenal for the entire journey,” Mr. ‘Large Doner Kebab with Everything On It’ added.


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