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Julian Assange - The W1nners' Club

Julian Assange – allegedly hogs the TV remote when TOWIE or Coronation Street is on….

 

WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange has commenced legal proceedings to claim squatter’s rights at the Ecuadorian embassy The W1nners’ Club can reveal.

 

The 46-year-old has been living for five and a half years in the Latin American country’s embassy in Knightsbridge, central London and under Ecuadorian property law this automatically qualifies him for ownership of the building because he has spent more time inside it than anyone else.

The Ecuador government’s Head of Property Rights Mr. Caveat Emptor said, “We’ve been trying to get Mr. Assange to leave our embassy for ages now as he was only initially supposed to be staying with us for a few days until he managed to find somewhere else to live, but you know what it’s like when you let your mates move in with you for a bit. First they start to take the piss with your Dairylea triangles, then they don’t bother to buy milk when it runs out and the next thing you know they’ve borrowed your underwear because theirs is still drying on the clothes rack – it’s all getting a bit much to be honest with you.”

The UK Foreign Office this week revealed that Ecuador had asked for Assange to be accredited as a diplomat as it was hoped that this would encourage him to leave or at least consider moving into a shared house as he would now have immunity from prosecution for breaching his bail conditions.

The Ecuadorian government also confirmed that it has granted full citizenship to Mr. Assange in the hope that he at least considers saving up for a deposit and finds somewhere else to live on the Gumtree property website, but this has achieved nothing more than qualify him for squatter’s rights at the embassy as he is now more legally entitled to live there than Ecuador’s ambassador.

“We’ve had police officers posing as Jehova’s witnesses to try and get him to come to the front door and we even tried to coax him out using a fake Domino’s pizza delivery. The problem now however is that as a full citizen of Ecuador and because of the length of time he’s lived there, the embassy is effectively his – he’s already increased the rent by £50 a month and threatened us with prosecution if we don’t pay up,” Mr. Emptor added.

 

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