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JD Sports – now recruiting more first aiders than the German army at the Battle of Stalingrad

 

Staff employed at JD Sports’ controversial warehouse facility in Rochdale, Lancashire now have the equivalent life expectancy of a mayfly.

 

A freedom of information request obtained by The W1nners’ Club shows that ambulances have been dispatched to the site 166 times in the last four years, with 140 of these incidents leading to someone being transported to hospital – thus rendering a job there more dangerous than that of a test pilot.

JD Sports’ Head of Health and Safety Mrs. Judy Ligence said, “to be honest with you, I’ve no idea why everyone that works here is guaranteed to end up with a horrific injury at some point. You come into work on a morning and it’s like watching the TV show, Casualty – every time someone makes a cup of tea, gets in a forklift, or simply says, ‘good morning,’ you’re pretty sure it’ll be them that ends up in hospital later on.”

An undercover investigation conducted by Channel 4 showed workers complaining that conditions at the warehouse were, ‘worse than a prison,’ the main point being that when you’re in prison you only really have to worry about gangs of lads waiting for you in the showers and people walking around with socks stuffed full of pool balls – no one in jail however, ever ended up in hospital looking for a box of Nike Air Max 90 Ultra Essential 2.0 in size 8.

JD Sports claim to have invested heavily at the Kingsway facility and received four stars for occupational health and safety compliance from the British Safety Council, although they couldn’t be granted the full five because the examiner tripped up on a rogue Adidas blue blast Copa football boot and ended up requiring immediate medical attention.

“All our employees have a full health and safety briefing in their half-day induction before entering the workplace – although we concede that maybe this should be increased to something approaching a month given the amount of accidents that place here,” Mrs. Ligence added.

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