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Jacob Rees-Mogg - The W1nners' Club

Jacob Rees-Mogg: “Abortion is wrong unless you turn a decent profit….”


Jacob Rees-Mogg has just announced plans to open the world’s first anti abortion, abortion clinic The W1nners’ Club can reveal.


The Tory MP for Somerset is a devout catholic who recently said he was against abortion, but nevertheless has decided to open a backstreet abortion clinic on the grounds that religious ideology is not a good enough reason not to make a few extra quid here and there.

Somerset Capital Management’s Head of Hypocritical Finger Wagging Mrs. Anthea Bortion said, “Mr. Rees-Mogg has stated categorically that he is completely against abortion, but our research shows that the market for unwanted pregnancy terminations is at a record high at the moment and as a result, it would be very irresponsible of us to allow Mr. Rees-Mogg’s heartfelt religious views to get in the way of generating profits for our investors. The main point to focus on is that life begins at the point of conception, but if there’s a few quid to be made along the way, that life can be terminated where we can show an improvement in the figures on our balance sheet.”

Mr Rees Mogg does not have any of his own personal money invested in the fund, and since he became an MP in 2010 the proposed future Conservative party leader has not managed any investments himself, but it is thought that his high-handed moral stance on abortion has softened somewhat upon seeing how much money he stands to make from selling pills that are commonly used to trigger unwanted pregnancy terminations in countries where abortion is illegal like Indonesia.

Mr Rees-Mogg recently told ITV’s Good Morning Britain that he is against abortion in all cases, but also stated that anybody who thinks those views are abhorrent should get him started on gay marriage as it will make you feel like you’ve gone back in time by half a century.

“Mr. Rees-Mogg will unfortunately not be able to carry out any of the abortions himself, but he has stated that there is no hypocrisy in getting involved in such a business as long as we can show a significant enough mark up on the wire coat hangers we use for the procedure,” Mrs. Bortion added.


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