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Ikea – redefining the meaning of building and construction


Ikea has pledged to keep its prices low in light of an increase in the cost of imported goods – as long as customers agree to supply their own furniture going forward.


The Swedish retailer, famous for making averagely priced homes appear somewhere approaching respectable on the inside despite having a pebble dash exterior, is taking its self-assembly model a step further by allowing customers to use other suppliers.

A spokesperson for Ikea’s Customer Liaison Department, Mr. Bill Ditioself said, ”We have always been pioneers in terms of making life easier for our customers by getting them to build their own bedside cabinets even if they have the carpentry skills of a woodworm with an eating disorder, but now we are taking the concept a step further by allowing customers to source their furniture from other suppliers if they make a purchase with us. This will help us to keep prices low in the uncertain economic climate.”

The flat pack giant has recorded its fifth consecutive year of growth and this has largely been attributed to the fact that customers have to grow their own pine trees, cut them down with an axe, varnish the wood, send it in to Ikea and then repurchase it from them where it is supplied with some screws and a child-like drawing of a Billy Bookcase.

“When you think about it, the mindfulness and calm we are generating by saying to customers, ‘hey, buy your furniture from us, but source it from B&Q or Homebase and we’ll keep our prices low is totally Hygge,’” Mr Ditioself added.

Ikea believe they will benefit from the recent Scandinavian Hygge trend, a word which is pronounced in such a way as to sound like somebody with severe catarrh is trying to unblock their sinuses, and is all about the concept of living comfortably and enjoying life’s simple pleasures.

A regular Ikea customer in Northampton said, “Who’d have thought I could actually be cool by wearing a woolly tank top and wandering around Ikea drinking mulled wine? The only problem is having to pay for furniture from Victoria Plum when I’ve already splashed out on a Jokkmokk table and four chairs – there’s absolutely nothing comforting about that.”

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