Children’s charities have expressed dismay upon hearing that Gin has replaced children’s swings in the basket of goods used to measure the UK’s inflation rate.
Gin comes back into the mix after a 13-year absence and is the result of new craft distilleries popping up and rising in popularity.
Inflation expert Mr. Ian Crease-Pryce said, “children’s swings are being sold less, particularly during the winter whilst at the same time Gin sales in the UK rose 16% last year, breaking through the £1bn barrier for the first time. It must transpire therefore that the money that used to be spent on children’s swings is now being spent on Gin, so presumably children are spending their pocket money on the odd G&T these days rather than items that are more traditionally associated with childhood.”
Using the spending habits of infant school age children as a way of gauging inflation is a new approach that has been adopted by the government after it realised they are the only demographic that pays 0% income tax on all their earnings regardless of how spoilt they are by grandparents, how generous the tooth fairy is and how effective they are during trick-or-treat.
Alcopops, old mobile phone handsets, menthol cigarettes, and the fee for stopping cheques have also been removed from the inflation basket meaning the whippersnappers of today are not only more refined in their drinking tastes, but also more tech-savvy, health conscious and tend to use online banking facilities for major financial transactions.
“If today’s tots are popping down to their local Gin bar during the school holidays rather than playing in the park, then we could have a bit of a problem going forward. Whilst the government is keen to support the price of grain, the last thing we want is another gin crisis like we had in the early 18th century. At least back then the trouble was being caused by people that were old enough to get arrested!” Mr. Crease-Pryce added.