The price of a Full English Breakfast may increase so sharply if the UK government doesn’t agree a trade deal with the EU, that shoppers may be forced to purchase their fry ups on hire purchase.
Despite being about as English as Nigel Farage’s ancestral line, the inaccurately named Full English Breakfast is expected to be a major casualty of post-Brexit price increases if the UK eventually stumbles out of the European single market according to a report by KPMG.
KPMG’s Head of High Cholesterol Dining Mr. Bill Derstea said, “The Full English Breakfast will be so expensive if the UK undertakes a hard Brexit, that people may have to start purchasing the ingredients on credit. With the average fry up consisting of French butter, Danish Bacon, Spanish Orange juice that’s been bottled in Ireland – Irish potatoes that are fried in Italian olive oil and eaten on a China plate – The Full English Breakfast will have more export controls placed on it than an illegal cocaine shipment.”
Shoppers may be forced to pay £3 more for a traditional British fry-up if the government fails to secure a trade deal with the EU, which would in theory mean that the most expensive part of a night out on the lash would be trying to get rid of your hangover in a greasy spoon café the following morning.
Consumer budgets are already under mounting pressure as the sharp fall in sterling’s value since the Brexit vote last year pushes up the prices of goods, but it is feared the Full English Breakfast may be used as a bargaining tool by EU negotiators to secure concessions in other areas because, let’s face it – you can live without being part of Europe but it’s impossible to live without bacon.
“That imaginary £350 million a week that was supposed to be spent on the NHS if we ended up voting to leave the EU could in theory be spent on subsidising the nation’s fry-up breakfasts, alternatively the DUP could simply demand a fry-up price-fixing agreement to be paid for using the government’s magic money tree,” Mr. Derstea added.