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Fat Cat - The W1nners' Club

FTSE 100 bosses hail the end of their two day economic enslavement

 

Today is officially known as, ‘Pleb Thursday,’ after FTSE 100 Chief Executives hit their first economic performance target of the year by earning more than the national average wage.

 

Pleb Thursday has historically always been the day after, ‘Fat Cat Wednesday,’ and is so called because it’s the first point in the year where City bosses can stroll into their offices and yell, “YOU’RE POOR!” at the top of their voice to absolutely anybody within earshot.

FTSE 100 Chief Executive Ivor Fortune said, “Pleb Thursday is of particular importance to people like me because for two whole working days of the year I’ve had to wrestle with the notion that I haven’t yet earned more money than anyone else in my company. For two whole days I have to take the tube, send my kids to state school and spend £19.99 a month on a budget gym membership – it’s horrible!”

The average FTSE 100 Chief Executive receives a salary of just under £4 million a year and it takes the first three and a half days of the year to earn more than the £28,200 wage of an average salaried person.

“If I wasn’t set to earn 130 times more than an average employee in my company this year, there’d be no point in being the fucking boss would there? Pleb Thursday is a fundamental demarcation point because it means I can fly back from the Meribel slopes on the Monday and spend two days mucking it out with the great unwashed by using the night bus and going to see an NHS doctor, before escaping economic penury when Pleb Thursday comes around,” said Mr. Fortune.

Research shows that whilst top executive pay has risen by 80% over the last 10 years, average earnings in the wider economy have fallen even though company returns have increased by a mere 1%.

“Well – why do you think everyone calls us the 1%?” Mr Fortune added in response.

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