The UK’s currency exchange rate is set to be determined by the size of fish fingers because a significant proportion of the nation’s favourite tea time snack is charged in dollars.
The recent threat by Birds Eye to start offering customers pre-fried cod fillet fish fingers in packs of 10 for the price of 12 has encouraged the government to consider using the fish finger as the official unit of measurement for the foreign currency exchange rate.
Birds Eye Limited’s head of food that fussy kids will eat division Mr. Derek Whitebait said, “The size of the average fish finger has been gradually shrinking ever since the Brexit vote back in June. Because a significant part of the product is usually priced in dollars, we can get an accurate measurement of the exchange rate by simply knocking up a fish butty with tomato ketchup and eating it in front of the telly whilst watching Coronation Street.”
The government is keen to stress that despite the falling value of Sterling, the UK’s currency overall is holding a robust position because the average butty still contains at least three fish fingers in it and for that reason alone there is cause for optimism.
“Things are changing fast. If you want to show a girl how much you fancy her, you don’t take her for a Michelin 5 Star dinner at Marco Pierre White’s anymore. The pound is falling so quickly that if you take a lady to Little Chef for a serving of fish fingers with peas and thick cut chips, you’re pretty much guaranteed at least a fumble,” said Mr. Whitebait.
Many of the raw materials that make up fish fingers are priced in dollars and the fall in the value of the pound since the EU referendum has meant the cost in sterling of making a normal sized fish finger has risen significantly.
A breakdown of components for the average fish finger and its respective currency is as follows:
Breadcrumbs = Columbian Pesos
Reformed and mechanically separated whitebait = US Dollars
Slimy bit between the fish and the batter that nobody knows the correct name for = Guatemalan Quetzal
Captain Birdseye’s Cocaine habit = UK Pound Sterling
Assuming Brexit does happen and Sterling remains in the doldrums, many other popular teatime foods such as Chicken Nuggets and Turkey Twizzlers could also be affected by the structural economic changes.
“Expect the average TV dinner to resemble a Mcdonalds’ Happy Meal this time next year in taste as well as size,” Mr. Whitebait added.