toilet - The W1nners' Club

Fake diarrhoea – almost as big a problem as fake news….

 

Travel industry bosses claim fake diarrhoea is killing their industry after a recent surge in bogus food poisoning claims.

 

They warn that British tourists could be banned from some resorts if people insist on claiming the obligatory ‘dickie tummy on holiday’ is a result of food poisoning rather than consuming enough alcohol to make a blue whale think twice about purchasing a pair of armbands.

ABTA’s Head of Recurring Toilet Visits Mrs. Di Gestive-System said, “Fake diarrhoea claims are soiling the reputation of British holidaymakers abroad. It’s one thing for foreigners to have to deal with seeing someone’s pot-belly hanging over the waist elastic of their speedos, or girls wandering about drunk in the early hours carrying a pair of stilettos in hand – but making fake diarrhoea claims takes British behaviour abroad to new levels of naughtiness. People should stick to doing what we do best – which is beating the Germans at acquiring a sun lounger by the hotel pool bar.”

The travel industry estimates that fake diarrhoea claims have increased by 500% since 2013 – although it’s unclear how this figure can be verified given the fact that you’d need to physically check each and every watery poop someone takes on holiday to achieve a credible standard of data.

Holidaymakers that never lie about how runny their stool gets after gorging themselves on tapas and sangria for 2 weeks say that fake diarrhoea claimants are spoiling things for everybody else.

“UK holidaymakers who are found guilty of making fraudulent diarrhoea claims now face up to three years in jail. It’s one thing to steal bathrobes from the hotel you’re staying in whilst on holiday, but pretending you’ve got the shits when your dumps are just as solid as they were back in Blighty is frankly unforgiveable. We’re going to get tough on diarrhoea – but not so much on the causes of diarrhoea as there’d be no point in going on holiday then would there?” Mrs. Gestive-System added.

 

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