European Union negotiators are expected to attend the next round of Brexit talks wearing Geisha girl outfits after signing a trade deal with Japan.
The dressing up of senior EU officials in kimonos and Nihongami wigs is said to be a key clause in the political agreement that seeks to engender greater cross-cultural integration between the two trading blocks.
The EU’s Head of Getting its Own Back on Britain As a Result of Brexit, Mr. Reeve Enge said, “We have managed to iron out a few of the remaining differences in the EU-Japan trade negotiations and as a result, the next round of Brexit talks will include a dance routine performed by Donald Tusk set to traditional Japanese music. If that doesn’t send a clear message to the British as to who we’re best mates with these days, then I don’t know what else will.”
The Japan/Europe Free Trade Agreement or, JEFTA, as it will inevitably come to be known as by people that are obsessed with turning everything into an acronym – will see Japan drop its tariffs on many valuable European imports, including chocolate, pasta and some types of cheese – whilst the European Union in turn will change the gold stars on its flag into little pictures of Hello kitty.
The treaty also covers an array of technical standards that are set to be introduced, which negotiators say will go much further than old-style tariff-cutting agreements and may include reducing the size of the average French baguette to no more than that of a grain of sticky rice.
“Unfortunately for the UK, Brexit no longer means Brexit. Brexit now means cheap Nintendo Switches and Sake on tap – for the remaining members of the EU that is. If Boris Johnson and his mob think we’ll be needing them going forward, they clearly have no idea who invented the Tamagotchi!” Mr. Enge added.