European leaders have called on Wenlock and Mandeville to head up the UK’s Brexit negotiation team.
The EU is dismayed at the uncertainty the UK general election has created and sees the London 2012 Olympic mascots as the only credible leadership left in Britain that has anything approaching a mandate from voters.
The European Union’s Head of Finding Out Who the Hell’s in Charge in the UK, Mrs. June Nyne-Teanthe said, “Having Britain as a weak negotiating partner during Brexit negotiations will result in a poor outcome for all parties involved. We therefore demand that Wenlock and Mandeville head up the UK delegation when Brexit negotiations commence. The London 2012 mascots are the only high profile figures in the UK apart from perhaps Larry the Downing Street cat, that have the necessary credibility required to marshal the most important political challenge in recent history.”
The pattern on Wenlock’s body symbolises the whole world coming to London and political commentators argue this renders the fictional mascot far more qualified than current Brexit Secretary David Davis when it comes to seeking an agreeable solution on the issue of EU nationals currently residing in the UK.
Mandeville on the other hand was originally created to symbolise friendship, and it is hoped he will bring a more diplomatic approach to finding an amicable solution than the current government strategy which appears to be running around like a headless chicken in the hope that something gives.
“Negotiating Brexit with Theresa May would be a bit like negotiating the transfer of Lionel Messi with the Barcelona kit man. Wenlock and Mandeville only have one eye each, but this still gives them greater political vision than the current team the UK has in place. They may only be the figment of someone’s imagination but then again, so is Theresa May’s ability to get any Brexit legislation voted through the House of Commons,” Mrs. Nyne-Teanth added.