Easyjet is offering passengers the opportunity to live like a billionaire for 7 minutes and 23 seconds following the launch of a new venture that will allow its customers to use the private jet facilities at Luton Airport.
Despite the term, ‘private jet terminal and facilities at Luton airport’ sounding like a contradiction in terms, passengers can pay £475 to experience what it feels like to have more cash in the bank than the combined national debt of both Argentina and Greece.
Easyjet’s Head of Budget Billionaire Products Mr. Ivor Fortune said, “whilst we’re always going to be about low fares and rowdy stag parties as a brand, for some passengers this is a chance to combine those things with a VIP experience for their loved ones. Upon entering the private jet terminal, passengers will be accosted by suspicious looking members of Vladimir Putin’s FSB who will attempt to spike your drink with Polonium-210. What better way to start celebrating a milestone birthday, anniversary or other special occasion?”
Easyjet says they will be introducing an ‘international arms dealer’ package where passengers will be approached by actors dressed as rulers of oppressive Arab regimes and ruthless African warlords wearing bullet belts and shell suits, and will be able to sign a major arms deal that breaches pretty much every United Nations Trade Embargo currently in existence.
The ‘US President’ package will give passengers a rare glimpse into what it feels like to sexually molest women whilst having the launch codes to the world’s most formidable nuclear arsenal – although spaces are limited for this deal due to the limited number of fun fur strawberry blonde wigs available.
“If you want to know what it’s like to sell Didier Drogba to Galatasaray or face a parliamentary committee on company pension fund irregularities, then our Budget Billionaire program would be perfect for you. Please bear in mind however that the experience only lasts for 7 minutes 23 seconds as that’s how long it takes for the real billionaires to return to the bar after using the toilet – we can’t have them hanging out with the riff-raff now can we?” Mr. Fortune added.