Easyjet has said that it’s only prepared to be involved in the fun part of long haul flight provision.
The airline has formed a partnership with Norwegian and WestJet and passengers taking connecting flights via London Gatwick, such as those travelling from Aberdeen to New York, will be able to book the entire trip on easyJet’s website with the caveat that its partner carriers will be responsible for taking care of all the shitty bits that are involved in providing a long haul travel service.
Easyjet’s Head of Long Haul Flight Bookings Mr. Stan D. Bye said, “It’s one thing taking a plane load of party animals on a short hop trip to Ibiza, but flying out to places like the far east or Australia is a whole different kettle of fish. You need to double up on sick bags for a start, as the average long haul passenger is bound to throw up due to drunkenness from all the free booze they get given. The extended nature of long haul flights also gives bored and randy passengers a greater desire to join the mile high club as you can only really watch Home Alone a maximum of three times in succession before going completely out of your f*cking mind.”
The announcement represents one of the most significant strategic changes made by the airline since it decided that making a fly-on-the-wall tv documentary about missed check-ins, incorrect travel documentation, and the carriage of prohibited items at Luton Airport would be good for the brand.
About 200,000 passengers a year connect from an easyJet flight to another at Gatwick, and the new system will give the budget airline the capacity to bang on about being a proper carrier like British Airways, whilst not having to worry about passengers dropping down dead as a result of wearing the wrong sized deep vein thrombosis socks.
“Taking off, letting kids have a look at the cockpit, showing people how to stick their head between their knees in the event of an emergency landing – that’s the stuff we’re happy to get involved in. Collecting headphones covered in earwax, strapping drunken passengers down into their seats and explaining to people that they should write their name on an entry visa in the field marked ‘name’ – I think we’ll leave that for the long distance guys to take care of,” Mr. Bye added.