MPs are set to undertake an enquiry into e-bikes to ascertain whether or not they are more dangerous than e-cigarettes.
The science and technology committee will investigate whether all the recent fuss about e-cigarettes is in fact dwarfed by the real elephant in the room – the threat of e-bikes to public safety.
Liberal Democrat MP and keen cyclist Mr. Bernie Hopp said, “e-bikes are seen by some people as valuable tools that help to get people who wouldn’t normally ride a bike to spend a bit of time outdoors, but f*ck me – you have to at least peddle a bit! What’s the point of being in the great outdoors if it means you end up burning less calories than you would sat in front of the telly with a six-pack of strong lager and some pizza watching Netflix? I’m sure e-cigarettes knock a good 10 minutes off your life every time you take a drag of one, but e-bikes? You might as well ride it straight to the cemetery!”
The enquiry was set up after e-cigarettes were included in this year’s Stoptober campaign, which was initially aimed at helping people to stop smoking until some bright spark pointed out that more people in the UK have fallen off an e-bike in the past twelve months than the number of people that have been unseated from an e-cigarette since they first became available over a decade ago.
E-bikes have proven to be the most popular method used by people who want to quit cycling, but despite this e-bikes are not yet prescribed by the NHS due to fears that they may contribute to the ‘re-normalisation’ of being a lazy f*cker.
“If you take a fold up e-bike onto a rush hour tube train and accidentally stab someone in the leg with one of the pedals, the likelihood is you may end up having a full scale brawl with another passenger. This is in stark contrast to e-cigarettes which can simply be placed in your pocket until you reach your desired destination,” Mr. Hopp added.