Illegal narcotic industry vendors have expressed revulsion at the way their reputations have been tarnished by the recent conduct of leading pharmaceutical companies.
Flynn Pharma and US giant Pfizer face a fine of nearly £90 million for ripping off the NHS by hiking the price of an epilepsy drug used by 48,000 patients by 2600%.
Chairman of the Crack and Smack vendors’ association Mr. Charlie Rock said, “The fine imposed on Pfizer is the highest ever imposed under UK competition law and quite frankly, we’re relieved to be on the right side of wrong where drugs are concerned for a change. We might be the cause of most petty crime and social breakdown, but we would never increase the price of a £30 bag of white by 2600% just because we’re aware people need our product – of course they need our product, that’s why we supply it.”
Street pushers have described the embarrassment they face on a day-to-day basis in trying to sell drugs in darkened alleyways, only for people to ask them if the drugs they are selling can be prescribed by a pharmacist or not.
“It’s horrible. Our members are trying to make a (relatively) honest living selling gear to people with no hope and no future and Pfizer come along and hijack the whole thing with their frankly downright unethical approach to business. Selling drugs used to be about wearing a set of gold teeth and running from the police, now it’s all about exploiting people with Epilepsy who are trying to get treatment on the NHS. There’s no honour in the game anymore,” Mr Rock added.
Pfizer and Flynn Pharma received their fine after they increased the cost of a packet of Phenytoin Sodium capsules overnight from £2.83 to £67.50. It’s an increase which, let’s be honest, would see most drug dealers getting shanked with a dirty needle for the sheer audacity of it all, but the companies involved have pledged to appeal the decision on the grounds that selling to the sick and needy is open season for anyone with a chemistry set.
The Department of Health has welcomed the decision by the Competition and Markets Authority and says it should act as a warning to anyone trying to get rich quick off the sale of drugs.
“It’s time for Pfizer’s feet to hit the street. Y’all can’t be charging muthafuckers just got coz they got epilepsy and shit. Pfizer can Pfiss off as far as we’re concerned, they ain’t got no respect goddamit,” said double murderer and long time drug dealer, ‘Party Time!’