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Food Fight - The W1nners' Club

Brexit Dinner – The EU is attempting to get Britain to pay Mr. Juncker’s dry cleaning bill


Jean-claude Juncker’s dinner with Theresa May last week descended into a full-on food fight after disagreement about the quality of British sausages.

The European Commission President left Downing Street covered from head to toe in most of the contents of both the Prime Minister and Brexit Secretary David Davis’s dinner plates, and said that he was, “ten times more sceptical,” about the outcome of talks after the meeting than beforehand.

The UK government’s top civil servant in charge of Downing Street dinners Mrs. Sue Chef said, “Things went pretty well at first. Jean-claude Juncker even joked that he wished more British food was available on the menu in the canteen at the EU headquarters in Brussels. It was when Theresa May suggested that the Cumberland sausages they were eating in their Bangers and Mash are inherently superior to the average Bratwurst, that Mr. Juncker angrily slammed down his cutlery and telephoned Angela Merkel to tell her that the British leader was living in another galaxy.”

Mrs. Merkel reacted angrily to the Prime Minister’s claim and issued a veiled threat when Mr. Juncker put her on loudspeaker, stating unequivocally that people in Great Britain have illusions about just how good their sausages are.

It is alleged that David Davis attempted to diffuse the situation by stating that he often uses Frankfurter sausages whenever he has friends over for a barbecue, but Mrs. May did not appear amused and went on to astonish Mr. Juncker with wild claims that even the bog-standard Lincolnshire sausage goes better with a pint of Hefeweizen than any German Bierwurst.

“When Mr. Juncker said he did not have the impression that his message had got through about how bland tasting English sausages were, all hell broke loose. Mrs. May picked up her plate and tossed the contents over Mr. Juncker’s head screaming ‘Why don’t you try one for your f*cking self!,’ swiftly followed by David Davis and Oliver Robbin – the most senior civil servant in the Brexit department,” Mrs. Chef added.

The fractious exchange exposes how wide the gulf is between the two sides and how worried EU officials are that the British Government still does not grasp what a decent sausage actually is.


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