US President elect Donald Trump has vowed to reduce the length of his tweets as part of a radical plan to rescue the US economy.
Barely a week after taking a pot shot at Boeing, his latest social media mauling has knocked over £4 billion from the value of three defence companies involved in constructing the new F-35 jet fighter aircraft.
Mr. Trump’s tweet said, “The F-35 program and cost is out of control. Billions of dollars can and will be saved on military (and other) purchases after January 20th,” which equates to £28,776,978.42 per character.
Leading economists have argued Mr. Trump’s abstinence from social media for just a couple of hours would save the US economy enough cash to construct a wall on the borders of both Mexico, Canada and whoever else the US will inevitably fall out with once Mr. Trump takes up his new position.
Multinational corporations around the world that have existing business relationships with the US are hurriedly changing their twitter handles in a bid to avoid the new president mentioning them in one of his online tirades for fear of instantly losing value on their share price.
Lockheed Martin’s Head of Social Media Mrs. Anna Lytics said, “We simply cannot afford to have the incoming President tweeting about us anymore. To be honest we’re lucky he only follows us on Twitter. If he followed us on a social platform that has no character limit, we’d probably be bankrupt by now. We have therefore decided to change our twitter handle to @lockhee3dmartyn which will be a private account in the hope Mr. Trump finds someone else to talk about.”
It is rumoured Mr. Trump plans on mentioning both China and Mexico a minimum 4 times per day in a bid to undermine the economies of both states, whilst a thawing of the United States’ frosty relationship with Russia will see an absence of any use of the handle @VladimirPutin23 for the time being.
The cornerstone of Donald Trump’s economic policy will be to use more emojis in a bid to lower his character count and a US finance department spokesperson said, “$$ :-),” when asked to sum up the government’s official position on the matter.