Walt Disney has struck a $50bn-plus deal with Rupert Murdoch’s 21st Century Fox that some experts say could result in some of the most f*cked up films ever made.
The deal will bring together the film studio behind hits such as Avatar, X-Men and Ice Age together with Disney’s film assets such as Pixar, Marvel and LucasFilm, meaning the next Star Wars movie could in theory feature Mickey Mouse flying around in an X-wing fighter.
Walt Disney’s Head of Content Mrs. Annie Mation said, “Things are going to be very different from now on. Whereas in the past you would take your kids to Disneyland for a once in a lifetime, fun childhood experience – now you’ll more than likely have to endure one of Darth Vader’s choke holds before you’re even allowed onto one of the rides. You’re likely to see most of the animals from the National Geographic Channel wandering around freely at Disneyland Paris meaning the biggest threat to our business will no longer be household disposable income, but how many children get eaten by the Lions that hang around the turnstiles at the Eurostar terminal.”
The deal also includes Fox’s 39.1% stake in Sky plc, the owner of Sky News, so viewers may find that the daily current affairs bulletins will be read by somebody wearing a pair of Mickey Mouse ears that looks a bit like Peter Griffin from Family Guy.
The combined business will produce films that account for two out of every five cinema tickets that are sold in the US – which may raise some concerns among regulators because the thought of Wolverine from X-Men appearing in the next instalment of Avatar might be too much to stomach for most film buffs.
“There are lots of exciting new possibilities that will arise as a result of the acquisition of 21st Century Fox. One of the terms of the deal is that Rupert Murdoch himself may appear in one of the upcoming Star Wars sequels. Some people think that he’d make a great Ewok but in the interest of everyone keeping their jobs it’s probably best that we cast him as the Emperor,” Mrs. Mation added.