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craft beer bottles - The W1nners' Club

‘Terry Wilson’ is one the few names that has not yet been used to name a craft beer…


The recent surge in the popularity of craft beer has led to fears that the industry may run out of names for new products by 2019.


The number of new trademark registrations for craft beer brands is increasing at such a rate that there may soon not be enough words left in the English language to randomly cobble together for use in yet another odd-sounding craft beer concoction.

Intellectual property lawyer Mr. Trey D. Marks said, “The formula for coming up a with a new craft beer name is really quite simple. You take the name of the place where you had your first ‘whitey’ after smoking too much weed at a music gig, the colour of vomit that you threw up and of course the type of craft beer that you’re trying to make. My craft beer name would therefore be Deptford Sweetcorn Stout, but the sheer number of new craft beers being produced these days means that it’s probably already been taken.”

Scottish brewery Tempest Brewing recently had to rename one of their most popular beers after a trademark dispute with another brewery because a rival company’s master brewer had also once thrown up at a Proclaimers gig in Dundee, but also happened to be making a new type of locally sourced lager.

Legal disputes can often be costly and disruptive so it is sensible for businesses to ensure that (a) they have adequately protected their intellectual property rights and (b) they make sure that they don’t go to gigs with people who also like to smoke weed whilst harbouring plans of owning their own microbrewery one day.

“The rate at which the number of new small or independent breweries are opening up in the UK at the moment means that the way in which we name craft beer may have to change. One idea currently being discussed is using your first pet’s name and mother’s maiden name before the type of beer you’re making. My craft beer would therefore be called Snowy Hargreaves Bitter – which in my opinion sounds more like a porn star that has serious regrets about not working harder at school to qualify to become a dentist,” Mr. Marks added.


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