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black biros – they’re okay but you wouldn’t want your daughter bringing one home


Channel 4 announced it would be issuing black biros to staff in a bid to make itself more reflective of the wider community.


The broadcaster has faced criticism recently after it emerged the only thing in the media company’s office that has so much as a slight hue of shade about it is a coffee stain on one of the desks closest to the fire exit.

Channel 4’s Human Resources Director Mrs. Candy Date said, “We concede that as an organisation we could do more to promote diversity. People have accused us of having an all-white board, so plans have been put in place to get rid of that one and we are currently on the lookout for one of the old fashioned blackboards everyone had at school which incidentally, we know you can’t call a blackboard anymore because it’s racist.”

Channel 4’s stationary cupboard has historically been stocked with only blue, green and red biros, so the decision to go ahead and purchase black ones will be seen by many as a response to the government’s green paper that highlights the importance of “improving the diversity of boardrooms so that their composition better reflects the demographics of employees”.

Mrs. Date said, “here at Channel 4 we’re sometimes green with envy, red with anger and occasionally some of the language in the office can be a bit blue, but we concede that it’s about time we ignore Department for Culture, Media and Sport interloping and start using black pens for a change.”

Along with getting hold of a chalk board and being more diverse in its choice of biros, Channel 4 is also seeking to acquire a colour TV for the canteen and a Go Pro Hero 4 Black for the outside broadcast department.

Last week it emerged The Culture Secretary approved the recruitment of four new Channel 4 board members, all of whom were white men but apparently rejected a 5th female black candidate because her experience as Deputy Chief of Arts Council England made her completely unsuitable for the role.

“It’s all about recruiting the white people to do the white job when it comes to wunning Channel 4,” said a spokesperson from the Department for Culture, Media and Sport that sounds a bit like Jonathan Ross.

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