Company boards should justify hefty Chief Executive pay rises by forcing bosses to do a bush tucker trial in front of staff at the annual Christmas party according to business experts.
The continuing increases in pay for top executives despite often lacklustre performance has incited calls for a rethink in the way senior managers are remunerated.
Chairman of the Investment Association Mrs. Fi Nance said, “a company’s board remuneration committee should invite staff to an annual shindig once a year that is stocked with enough free booze to drown a blue whale and the CEO should undergo various bush tucker trials before receiving their annual bonus. Everybody in the company should be invited – even the part time cleaner and everyone gets to vote on whether the Chairman should receive an extortionate pay rise despite the company recording its worst performance on record.”
Among the various trials that have been mooted are: Swallowing a Kangaroo penis whole, eating a paella made with the testicles of a Himalayan Yeti, lying submerged in a bathtub of cockroaches, rats and out of date Wotsits and most horrifying of all – being forced to watch back to back episodes of, ‘I’m a celebrity get me out of here.’
Despite increasing public anger, the average FTSE 100 boss received a 10% rise to £5.5 million last year and it is generally felt that such increases need to be justified to ordinary staff to improve transparency when it comes to company stewardship.
“With great power comes great responsibility and if you’re not prepared to stick a pair of Speedos on at the Christmas bash and get made to look an utter fool whilst chewing on the rubbery fibres of an Armadillo’s anal tract – quite frankly you’re not fit to be running a company,” Mrs. Nance added.
The CBI has gone on record and stated that more could be done by City institutions to curb soaring pay, but also added that once you’ve eaten the dangly bits of an Afghan Mountain Goat – you should be able to name your price.