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carlsberg special brew - The W1nners' Club

Scotch Whisky – keeping tramps warm since their last blackout…..


The UK’s trade deal with the US after Brexit may see drinks like Carlsberg Special Brew being reclassified as Scotch Whisky.


The current EU definition of whisky protects the Scottish whisky industry from sub-standard products, but that is all likely to change after the UK’s European divorce when drinks like 20/20, Thunderbirds, Kestrel Super and Frosty Jack Cider all qualify for what Americans consider to be a decent tipple.

The Scottish Government Minister responsible for getting pissed really quickly Mr. Al Cohol said, “American ‘whisky,’ and I use that term very loosely, only requires you to be able to get drunk and start picking fights with people that look at you the wrong way, while Scotland’s best distilleries typically let their spirits develop for at least 10 years before using them to get drunk and start picking fights with people that look at you the wrong way. Aside from being a key part of Scottish culture and identity, our whisky industry also supports around 20,000 jobs.”

Underage drinkers have expressed concern about Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership (TTIP) discussions leading to a relaxation of the definition of whisky – the main fear being that dodgy corner shop owners don’t mind selling kids cigarettes and cheap booze if the person buying has a bit of adolescent moustache growth, but selling whisky to children might lead to a bigger fine in the event of being caught.

Scottish dock workers have threatened to pour cheap American whisky into the sea that does not meet the specific criteria to be referred to as Scotch, partly because the last time there was a major disagreement between Britain and America over a national beverage back in the 18th century, The Americans ended up gaining independence.

“It is vital that we continue to have robust legal protection of Scotch whisky as I’m not prepared to live in a world where Kentucky Vintage Bourbon enjoys the same status as a wee dram of Balvenie on Burns night,” Mr. Cohol added.




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