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Burger King - The W1nners' Club

Burger King – The collectivisation of agriculture is key to the success of the revolution


Burger King has staged a military coup and illegally crowned itself supreme leader of Belgium.


The food chain initially attempted to seize power through democratic means by asking Belgians to vote online to “crown” either the country’s king or the global fast-food giant the true ruler of the country.

Burger King’s Head of Constitutional Affairs Mr. Abdi Cate said, “Burger King’s official title will now be ‘His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Burger King, VC, DSO, MC, CBE, Lord of all the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular,’ although as an absolute monarch Burger King will also be affectionately referred to as ‘Our Dear Leader’ by the Belgian people – anybody that does not comply may face execution by firing squad.”

Burger King initially seized control of the Belgian media by running back to back adverts on television and the burger chain also secured key strategic strongholds across the country by launching Burger King restaurants in numerous Belgian cities.

Representatives of Belgium’s exiled King Philippe have called on the Belgian people to take to the streets in rebellion against what they see as an illegal occupation that is contrary to Belgium’s sovereignty.

Key civil servants from the Belgian government have been rounded up and detained in internment camps where conditions are so bad they are rumoured to be surviving on nothing more than chilli cheese bites and Mcdonalds Happy Meals supplied by the Red Cross.

The Burger King military junta in Brussels has dissolved the Belgian parliament and declared a temporary State of Emergency that includes the suspension of Habeas Corpus and a curfew that decrees anybody caught eating a Big Mac after 6pm is liable to be shot on sight.

“All public buildings and private homes must display a picture of a Bacon Double Cheeseburger on the wall to remind the population what has been achieved via our revolution.  Anybody that does not obey will simply disappear and will never be seen again,” Mr. Cate added.


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