London’s football hooligans have reacted angrily as Burberry announces plans to relocate to West Yorkshire as part of cost-saving measures.
The luxury brand said it plans to open a new business centre in Leeds later in the year, meaning hooligans that support clubs in the capital will struggle to get hold of any decent clobber to wear for away days.
Burberry’s Head of Football Violence Mrs. Violet Ruck said, “Hooligans that support any of the London clubs like Chelsea, Arsenal, West Ham, Tottenham Hotspur, Millwall or Charlton Athletic will unfortunately have to switch their allegiance to Leeds United if they want to wear Burberry the next time they feel like smashing someone’s head in. As you well know it’s completely unacceptable to expect football thugs to come away from matchday brawls with ripped clothing that’s covered in blood unless the clothing in question costs a good three month’s wages, so buying a season ticket for Elland Road next season is the best way to ensure you continue to look the part whilst being bundled into the back of a police van.”
Burberry, best known for its trench coats, distinctive checks and Daniella Westbrook, described the relocation as an “important move” but supporters of clubs within the M25 have slammed the move as nothing more than a cynical attempt by Leeds United to boost attendances going forward.
Burberry has issued an official statement to all the, ‘top boys,’ from the London football firms that states the company’s intention to open an office in Leeds that reinforces their commitment to Yorkshire, home of the iconic trench coat – but says that anyone that learns to pull off a decent northern accent may still be eligible to get hold of a Burberry print baseball cap.
“Football hooligans will have to either learn to say, ‘Eh oop!’ instead of ‘Oi! Oi!’ ‘how’s tha doin’?’ instead of ‘awight san!’ and be able to recite the entire script of the film ‘Kes,’ backwards or face turning up to matches wearing Stone Island I’m afraid,” Mrs. Ruck added.