Britain’s BDSM community have been whipped into a frenzy as BT announce they will be removing the traditional red phone box from streets and replacing them with hi-tech wi-fi kiosks.
The new kiosks will provide Ultra-fast wi-fi, free calls and charging facilities for mobile phones but crucially, there will be nowhere on the new, ‘links,’ as they are known, to slot call cards that advertise personal services.
Mistress Domina Trix, head of the South Wimbledon branch of the National Pegging League said, “It’s disgusting! BT should be ashamed of themselves. The sleazy businessman hanging around the traditional British phone box in a trilby and trench coat whilst trying to procure the services of a pre-op transsexual in a crotchless rubber cat suit is a national institution. What are they going to do now whilst away on, ‘business,’ eh – network with clients or something ridiculous?”
Hundreds of the iconic red phone boxes will be ripped up and replaced by the new kiosks which also capture local data such as air and noise pollution along with traffic conditions.
Sleazy businessman Ben Dover said, “It’s going to be hard enough doing business in the UK going forward with the Brexit and everything, but how the fuck can I justify a weekend away at a trade conference if I can’t dress up like a baby and get spanked in the evening at Madame Whiplash’s love dungeon whilst I’m away from the missus? What BT are doing is immoral and downright shameful – it’s a perversion of common sense.”
BT issued the following statement in response: “We’re evolving the phone box to make it relevant in the 21st century by offering people ultrafast wi-fi and a range of digital and information services entirely for free. If you’re the sort of person that thinks a plug and socket is something Boy George does to unsuspecting male escorts rather than a household electrical device – we suggest you try an alternative means of procuring transient companionship. www.youpatheticlittleworm.com is a website we would personally recommend.”
The Links will be placed in various parts of London early next year and then rolled out to other parts of the country later.