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Britvic – Hoping to wet the world’s appetite


Despite being an outspoken critic of plans to tax sugary drinks in the UK and Ireland, Britvic has finally bottled it and announced the launch of its own sugar (tax) free soft drink.


The company behind a whole host of fizzy drinks such as Pepsi, 7up and Tango, finally opened the can on its plans to produce a new beverage that will thwart the incoming sugar tax set to kick in by 2018.

Britvic’s Head of Product Development Mrs. Bev Ridge said, “These are challenging times for us as a company. It used to be Drug Cartels and Islamic Terrorists that governments used to build up as the great bogey man society needs to rally against – now it’s Lime Cordial manufacturers. In light of this onslaught, we have decided to create a product that will not only ensure we stay compliant with the new sugar tax legislation, but it will also future proof us against any other social ills that politicians and nutritionists decide are a ticking time bomb in the lunchboxes of kids across the world.”

The new Britvic soft drink is said to contain no sugar, no flavour and has absolutely no colouring added, either artificial or natural. The product’s name, which has been a closely guarded secret during development, is said to be derived from the mnemonic for Britvic’s production slogan which is the phrase, ‘We Are Tax Evasion Ready.’

“The problem with reduced sugar drinks is that you’re basically asking people to accept a dumbed down version of what went on before as the new normal. Would you like to breathe air that has less oxygen in it? Would the London Marathon still be a marathon if it was reduced to 8 miles? We are taking the government’s advice on the chin and accept that sugar, flavour and colour is bad, so let’s do away with the lot,” said Mrs. Ridge.

Anti-obesity groups have dismissed W.A.T.E.R. as a cynical ploy by Britvic to avoid paying the sugar tax and are considering legal action to ensure the drink company sweetens its new product to the 5g per 100 ml sugar tax threshold.

“This is nothing more than tax avoidance in liquid form,” said one source from a weight loss charity.

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