British Airways has said that upgrades to its IT system will make it less susceptible to power failures in the future.
The airline claims to be “much closer to full operational capacity than at any point over the last few days” which is a bit like claiming to be on the last leg of a marathon even though all you’ve done is lace up your running shoes.
British Airways’ Head of I.T. Systems Mrs. Anna Lytics said, “The recent power surge that has caused so much disruption at Heathrow and Gatwick will be a thing of the past as system upgrades mean we are no longer reliant on having a decent power supply. Whilst customers will likely still have to spend their holidays sleeping on a yoga mat next to the men’s toilets in Terminal 1 at Gatwick, it will no longer be because of a system power failure – it’ll be because we’re using an abacus which has to be seen as a development of sorts.”
BA says that its new abacus will enable it to circumvent any future fluctuations in the power supply, but aviation industry IT experts have criticised the airline for not replacing veteran staff that know how to change the fuse on a four-way plug socket, instead electing to outsource the role to India.
BA is liable to reimburse thousands of passengers for refreshments and hotel expenses as a result of the mass delays, but may attempt to wriggle out of it by using “extraordinary circumstances” like an act of God or force majeure as the principal reason why its computer system isn’t advanced enough to play a demo version of Jet Set Willy on – let alone run a complex enterprise like an airline.
“Our new abacus means customers will no longer have to listen to paltry excuses like ‘we think it was a power surge,’ the next time their holiday gets completely ruined. It’ll more likely be something like, ‘one of the red beads has fallen off,’ or ‘it was mistakenly used for firewood,’ which we hope will go some way to providing at least a modicum of redress,” Mrs. Lytics added.