Boohoo.com says allowing staff to smile at work makes a mockery of the company name and anybody that wants to walk around wearing a massive grin should go and work at McDonalds.
An episode of Dispatches looking into Britain’s cheap clothing industry suggested worker’s contracts are ended after “three strikes”, that are dished out for “minor” mistakes of which smiling is considered by far the most serious.
Boohoo.com’s Head of Human Resources Mrs. Constance Moody said, “If we wanted people to walk around the place with a big grin on their face all the time we wouldn’t have called ourselves Boohoo.com would we? We’d have picked a name like wahey.com or pmsl.co.uk. As it happens, ‘boohoo,’ is a sound we often hear our customers make so the brand experience needs to be syndicated across the company as a whole.”
According to the Channel 4 show, staff can get into trouble for checking the time on their phones, being a minute late for work and saying good morning to colleagues – but by far the most serious offence a worker can commit is to not constantly walk around with a facial expression that resembles the Mona Lisa at the precise moment a red hot poker is shoved up her anus.
“We try to give staff as much leeway as possible in regard to levels of miserableness so for example, if a worker has to break out into a smile and it really can’t be helped – they can always go to the toilets or quietly slip outside for a good giggle to prevent anyone else being exposed to such behaviour – all unpaid of course,” Mrs. Moody added.
Boohoo says that all employees earning the minimum wage or less at their warehouse facility have the option of earning a bonus every time they show signs of depression, but they are currently on the lookout for staff that have the capacity to cry on demand to take the company forward into the future.