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terrorist - The W1nners' Club

Owners of the first bitcoin purchased house can only be contacted via satellite phone…..


The owner of the world’s first house to be purchased using Bitcoin is yet to attend a neighbourhood watch meeting The W1nners’ Club can reveal.


The new build house in Colchester, Essex has become the first in the world to be sold for Bitcoin as the price for the currency recently surged above £18,000, but neighbours are concerned that the new occupant doesn’t seem to want to take an active role in local crime prevention.

Chairperson of the Cherry Tree Lane Neighbourhood Watch scheme Mr. Holt Van Der Lism said, “we’ve had a bit of trouble in the area recently with kids hanging around on street corners so it’s important that we all pull together as a community to sort the problem out. Mr. Wilson at number 36 has already had to replant some of his begonias because of the youths from the local estate that like to hang about in the park nearby. We’ve invited the new neighbours to several neighbourhood watch meetings, but they’ve so far pretty much kept themselves to themselves.”

The unnamed home buyer is understood to have made an early killing on the cryptocurrency and whilst neighbours insist they have tried not to be too nosey, the residents of Cherry Tree Lane have said that the new occupants may be of foreign extraction due to the fact that they only ever appear to wear their traditional dress of balaclavas and army camouflage combat fatigues.

The estate agents in charge of managing the bitcoin property sale have confirmed that a second, £595,000 home is also due to complete in the next few weeks, and it is rumoured the owners of that property have already made a planning application for the construction of an underground bunker in the back garden.

“We’re a very welcoming community here in Elmstead Green and we’d like to sort out the problem of rowdy teenagers playing football on the village green as quickly as possible. Our new neighbours might even be able to advise us on how to be more assertive when we approach the youths because they usually wear large numbers of bullet casings around their necks which would suggest a military background of some sort,” Mr. Van Der Lism added.


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