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Europe bendy bananas - The W1nners' Club

Bendy bananas – giving Moules Mariniere a run for their money

 

Bendy Bananas are back on the menu in Europe again as the Brexit Brigade celebrate record exports to our continental cousins across the channel.

 

UK food and drink exporters have been cashing in on our crumbling currency as exports of chocolate and other food stuffs the UK has no previous reputation for producing, fly out of our warehouses and onto European dinner plates.

UK Food and Drink Federation Chair Mr. Egon Toast said, “It’s all gone mad! Ever since the referendum, British food has become trendy again – as if it’s part of some European anti-establishment counter culture. They buy our food for the same reason middle class white kids get dreadlocks and start listening to Burning Spear LPs. British food is officially the new black and the way things are going, they’ll soon be eating Bubble and Squeak over there to go with their cans of Red Stripe at carnival.”

The bendy banana – so long a symbol of Brexiteer resistance to the bureaucratic meddling of the European Union despite being imported from the Caribbean, is also expected to see a resurgence in European supermarkets as the latest EU directive 666/2016.1 reclassifies British food as, ‘not as bad as it used to be.’

“EU directive 123/1992 stated all British food was crap. Then EU directive 321/1993 stated that our Beef would send you crazy. EU directive 666/2016.1 is an amendment to 666/2016 which stated that Marmite would become more expensive than cocaine if Britain left the EU,” said Mr Toast.

The increase in exports have also been attributed to a weaker pound which has resulted in UK exports becoming more competitive but a European spokesperson said that is only part of the reason.

“It’s a bit like in High School when the weird kids start to wear Doc Martens and tie-dye to assert their ambivalence to social norms – that’s why everyone’s eating British food suddenly. It’s a form of rebellion. You buy a Ramones t-shirt for the same reason a Dutch person buys Lancashire Hotpot.”

As Brexit voters smugly say, ‘I told you so,’ to anyone who will listen, UK food exporters will need to prepare themselves for the day Europeans stop going on Anti-Nazi League marches, get mortgages, have kids and vote Conservative – in a culinary sense of course.

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