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boomerangs - The W1nners' Club

Boomerangs – President Assad of Syria is rumoured to have ordered a shipping container load….


Australia aims to become a top international arms exporter by selling more boomerangs under a controversial Turnbull government plan.


Aussie PM, Malcolm Turnbull, has unveiled a far-reaching “defence export strategy” that sets out the policy and strategy to make Australia one of the world’s top 10 weapons exporters within the next decade by significantly increasing its international boomerang sales.

Australian Defence Export Office Spokesperson Mr. Phil Metal-Jacket said, “at a time when the proliferation of nuclear weapons is very much high up on the world agenda, Australia has decided that it can become a world leader in the international arms trade by exporting our tried and tested boomerang to the various armies of the world. If Kim Jing Un really does decide he wants to go to war with the United States, it would be far more economical for a failing state like North Korea to use military hardware that returns straight back to you after being deployed – thus creating considerable cost savings when compared with the average intercontinental nuclear ballistic missile warhead.”

The Australian defence ministry initially announced that it planned to start selling far more Australian-made weapons overseas in mid-2017, but is yet to indicate precisely whether the nation’s manufacturing resources will focus mainly on the production of hooked wing returning boomerangs or the ‘non-returning’ sort known as “throw sticks” or “kylies.”

Critics have argued that Australia’s decision to become a major international weapons manufacturer sends a shocking message to the world about Australian values, although nearly all of them concede that these values aren’t anywhere near as shocking as some of the ones expressed by Alf Stewart in the earlier seasons of hit Aussie soap opera Home and Away.

“We usually beat the pommes at cricket, so we reckon we could give ‘em a decent run for their money when it comes to international arms sales as well given half a chance. We’re currently working on an exploding boomerang that would be ideal for the jihadist suicide bomber marketplace, there’s the M110 Sniper boomerang that can take out a Kookaburra from half a mile away, and finally we’ve got an armour-piercing boomerang that has sharpened lead weights attached at each end – although users might find that it doesn’t return quite as quickly due to being stuck in several inches of wrought iron tank cladding,” Mr. Metal-Jacket added.


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