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Dead Mouse - The W1nners' Club

Asda – Save money. Live Better (unless you’re a mouse of course)

 

Supermarket chain Asda has been fined £300,000 for food safety breaches after two mice and thirty flies were found dead at its north London home delivery depot.

 

Council officers found mouse droppings on the shelves and cereal and sugar packets gnawed by rodents during a visit to the Enfield site back in May 2016.

Enfield Council’s Head of Food Safety Mr. Mike Rowe-Organism said, “Clearly there must be something wrong with the food at Asda if mice and flies can’t stomach it. If your usual diet is decaying matter, faeces, garbage, spoiled meat and rotting fruits – then one would assume that a packet of own brand Choco-nut squares would be like an a la carte dinner at The Savoy wouldn’t it?”

Asda admitted three food safety and hygiene breaches at their depot which distributes food to online customers across London and Essex and conceded that food unfit for rodent or insect consumption cannot in any way shape or form be considered fit for humans to eat either.

A spokesman for Asda said the depot had invested in and improved its pest management control but the new cat is so far proving more adept at having its tummy tickled by the girls that work in accounts payable than getting anywhere close to catching its first mouse.

“If you look at all the other major retailers, the mice that run riot at their depots are perfectly fit and healthy. In Asda’s case however, the amount of mouse droppings we found would suggest that the poor blighters must have suffered from severe diarrhoea before meeting an untimely end courtesy of a mouthful of Malted Wheaties. It is simply unacceptable for customers to be exposed to the potential risk of harm because a company cannot get its house in order and store foodstuffs of sufficient quality for even flies and vermin to feast on,” Mr. Rowe-Organism added.

No mice were available for comment on this occasion although the onset of rigor-mortis would suggest that they too will think twice before nibbling on a packet of Billington’s Dark Muscovado Natural Unrefined Cane Sugar going forward.

 

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